Life is a necklace with various events that have been strung together in a series. In itself a particular event in life does not have specific negative to positive connotations and most events are fairly neutral in themselves. It is the mindset of the individual that is viewing the event that makes a specific event positive or negative.

Take for example, a simple event like ‘rain’. For an indoor person who likes to sit in his portico enjoying a hot cup of coffee, nothing could be better. However, the same event can be fairly negative and spoil all plans for someone who has planned an extensive shopping trip with a friend.

If a simple event that is fairly neutral can be perceived as positive and negative depending upon who is actually thinking of the event, consider the enormity of the complexity when it comes to events that have social implications.

For a father who excelled in basketball, a son who takes no interest in sports whatsoever is a situation that can cause a fair amount of tension. However, the same situation may not perturb the mother at all if she does not have specific pre-conceived notions about what she wants her son to be.

It is fairly clear by these examples that events in themselves are not positive or negative but it is the manner in which we perceive that that makes then stressful. And therefore, it is fairly obvious that all that we need to do to reduce situations that cause stress is to change the manner in which we perceive events.

We need to shed our biases, expectations, prejudices and subjectivity and try and view events from a completely objective stance. There is also a need to avoid being judgmental about the various events that take place and the people who are responsible for those events.

However, executing such a suggestion is easier said than done. The fact of the matter is that our opinions on various situations are formed based on our parents, society and the various events that take place in our life. We form these opinions over time and then find it only too easy to overlay them onto other people and events.

To be able to actually view events and therefore life in an objective manner you should be able to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and then view the actions that have been taken. Try and appreciate that your perspective may not and actually is not the ‘right’ perspective. In fact in most cases, there is no right and wrong and there is no negative or positive situation in the first place.

If you sit and ponder for a while, you will realize that the significance of life is not as large as we often think it to be. How does it matter if your son is not interested in sports? He may excel in some other sphere that he is interested in. What significance does it have on your life per se if you are unable to go shopping on a specific day that you had decided? Why is it so important that you wear a specific dress that you planned to at the prom? Honestly, no situation is worth bothering yourself about. If something has been done, sitting and brooding about it is not likely to change what has already happened. Also, it is a wise man that can accept that there are certain situations where your hands may be tied. If you cannot change something, reflecting and sulking about it will not change things.

This does not mean that you let life pass you by. When certain events take place, assess the implications of the event, evaluate what role you can play in the future and take those actions. Thinking positively about the events and planning the next steps to take is a far better way of leading life than pouting over issues that you can do nothing about!

About The Author:
Vishal P. Rao writes on holistic living and self-improvement. He has created a Squidoo lens, Stress Management Tips and Advice, where you can find proven techniques and resources for managing stress.

My younger brother, Junaid, passed away recently after a two year battle with cancer. He died as I was holding his hands at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto on March 19, 2008 at 11:10am. Our whole family was there at his bedside when he passed away. He was only 33 years old.

Especially difficult to bear was the fact that just over a year into my brother’s illness he had made a miraculous recovery after enduring several rounds of chemo, radiation and various alternative health treatments. (When Junaid was first diagnosed with stage four base-of-the-tongue cancer, he was given 7 months to live with less than a 10% chance of survival).

Unfortunately, a few months after the recovery, the cancer reemerged with a vengeance. The tumor at the base of his tongue started growing and eating through sensitive nerve and gum tissue - eventually devouring part of his jaw bone.

The pain was so excruciating (despite all the different pain meds he was on) that he wanted to end his life on many occasions. Just trying to manage the pain was an ongoing struggle with frequent visits to his pain doctor. It’s a horrible, horrible disease that no one should have to go through.

I’m astounded at the enormous courage and inner strength my brother displayed throughout this whole ordeal. His dream in life was to become an actor; and despite his weakened state and slurred speech, he kept on auditioning for parts even though he kept getting turned down repeatedly. He lived and died honorably and was the most honest person I’ve ever known. I’m very grateful for the time I had to spend with my brother before he passed away. He is my role model and hero who taught me many valuable life lessons from his example.

One day when my brother Junaid was staying over at the hospital, a friend of his dropped by our home hoping Junaid would be there. I protectively blocked the front porch entrance and told him my brother was not in. He had a grip of steel when we shook hands and I immediately formed an impression about this person.

I later told Junaid about his friend dropping by and mentioned that he looked a bit like a street thug. Without missing a beat, my brother covered the trach tube in his throat with his fingers and strained in a raspy voice: \”He’s lived a hard life and has no one to love him. You have to shower people with love - because nobody else will.\”

My knees almost buckled as I fought back tears. My younger brother was teaching me a lesson in humility and love. I was ashamed of myself for having judged someone I barely knew.

I learned that my brother had befriended a number of people that most of society had rejected, and he showered them with love and kindness.

What a powerful message. I believe we can all make a difference in the world by showering people with love. And it doesn’t take much. A kind gesture to a neighbor. Catching someone doing something right. Warmly welcoming a newcomer who feels out of place in a group. Visiting a sick co-worker at the hospital. Lending a helping hand or giving encouragement to anyone that needs it.

Shower people with love.

I’ve spent a longtime trying to figure out exactly how to break this news. In my desire to honor my brother and raise awareness in a big way, a crippling paralysis overwhelmed me - rendering me incapacitated and not knowing what to do.

How ironic that I found the answer to my problem in my own Hero Soul book! In the chapter titled ‘Peace’ I began with Anne Frank’s quote: \”How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.\”

I’m taking Anne Frank’s message to heart by not waiting and starting now. I’m volunteering for the upcoming Canadian Cancer Society’s \”Relay for Life\” to help raise funds for cancer research and support services while celebrating cancer survivors and remembering loved ones lost to cancer.

Let’s do our part in making cancer history so we can help save lives and prevent someone from going through what my brother had to go through. Let’s not wait - let’s start now!

Please visit http://www.showerpeoplewithlove.com to show your support.

About The Author:
Sharif Khan (http://www.herosoul.com; sharif@herosoul.com) is a freelance writer, inspirational keynote speaker, consultant, and author of \”Psychology of the Hero Soul,\” an inspirational leadership book on awakening the hero within. The Hero Soul is based on Khan’s over ten year’s research in human development and has been mentioned in a number of media including USA Today, Reader’s Digest, and the Toronto Sun. He publishes his monthly Hero Soul ezine on personal growth and is currently working on his first novel. To contact Sharif directly, call: 416-417-1259.

All of life’s journeys begin with the phrase, “I want.”

Think about your career and the times when you said “I want.” Maybe you said “I want” go to college—and then enrolled in school and completed your degree. Maybe you said “I want” to work for a large or a small company—and you are working there now. Maybe you said “I want” to lead teams—and that’s one of your current responsibilities. “I want” is a very powerful phrase. Without it, it’s hard to go very far.

Imagine going on a trip without selecting a destination beforehand. What would you pack? How would you get there? Where would you stay? Your trip probably would not end up being much fun.

It’s the same with your career. Not being able to visualize your desired result leads to results not happening. Goals are reached when you decide what you want, and then take action to get it. Without an end in mind, you will wander aimlessly; and as long as you are aimless, you will be wasting time. You will feel lost. You will be like a stray leaf, going wherever the wind takes you.

WHAT’S A VISION?

My definition of a vision is a visualization or a picture of where you see yourself in the future. Your picture can be one of where you want to be in a day, a week, a month, a year, or even farther into the future. The visualization of your goal is what compels you to move forward. A vision is a snapshot of what you want your career and life to look like in the future. This snapshot gives your journey a clear and reachable destination and provides focus.

All goals are reached in the mind first. You see yourself both achieving that goal and experiencing the satisfaction it will bring you once you are there. This picture is what will help you to persevere during times of doubt. Your picture of success will give you purpose, power, and excitement. Your picture will give you a reason to get out of bed every day.

HOW DO YOU CREATE A VISION?

Close your eyes. Let your imagination take over. Get in touch with what you really want and what is important to you. Ask yourself meaningful questions. Let the answers come to you.

WHAT QUESTIONS WILL HELP GET YOU TO YOUR VISION QUICKLY?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

If it was possible, what would be different in my career?

What type of job would I have?

What would I be responsible for?

What type of boss/co-workers/team would I have?

What kind of hours would I work?

What type of company would I work for?

What sort of culture would the company have?

What city would I live in?

How much money would I make?

How would I handle stress, my workload, and deadlines?

Once you have thought about these questions, it is time to get your answers down on paper. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The answers are what is true for you—not what someone else wants for you, but what is truly in your heart. Listen to yourself, and your answers will be the perfect ones for you.

Once you have your vision, then it’s time to make it real.

So, what do you say? You only have one life to live, so it might as well be a life you love!

About The Author:
Deborah Brown-Volkman, PCC, is the President of Surpass Your Dreams, Inc. a successful career, life, and mentor coaching company that works with Senior Executives, Vice Presidents, and Managers who are looking for new career opportunities or seek to become more productive in their current role. She is the author of “Don’t Blow It! The Right Words For The Right Job,” “Coach Yourself To A New Career,” and “How To Feel Great At Work Everyday.” Deborah can be reached at http://www.surpassyourdreams.com

Becoming Resilient

As I write this I am in Glasgow, Scotland. Glasgow is an interesting city. It has seen difficult and challenging times yet always seems to reinvent itself. You can feel and see that it has experienced hard times and yet it is also infused with a vibrant energy that is seeing Glasgow enter into new economic growth. Over the years Glasgow has seen many boom and bust times. It has been a centre of contemplation and learning, a hub of trade in rum, sugar, and tobacco, a centre for the manufacturing and processing of linen and cotton, an industrial powerhouse of shipyards and locomotive building, and today banking and retail provide the economic engine.

There is a dizzying array of buildings, old beside new, of every architectural style, in the downtown core. Here at least, Glasgow appears to be holding onto the best of the past as it moves into the future. It does not forget it’s darker times but it does not dwell on them either. Glasgow has known its share of poverty and hopelessness but has also never given up but reinvented itself many times. The people I have met are cheerful and friendly and resilient. In 1990 Glasgow was named the Cultural Capitol of Europe.

Trapped in the Past

It seems to me that there is a lesson here for all of us. So often we can find ourselves dwelling on past hurts or mistakes. We may focus on what we have lost or failed to succeed at. We get mired in the past and are unable to take steps into our future. All of our time and energy is devoted to past wrongs or “if only”. As a result we cannot see clearly what is good about right now, where we are right now, or where we would like to be in the future. We are trapped in the past.

Life’s Earthquakes

It is not easy to recover from life’s earthquakes. They can be emotionally and physically painful and can shift the foundation of your life. We can all experience earthquakes such as death, divorce, illness, job loss, disappointment, and failure at some point in our lives. So how can we be our best Self, how can we move forward, even in the face of heartache or when things do not turn out the way we had hoped? How do we become resilient?

Resiliency

Emotional resiliency is the ability to recover and to go on in the face of misfortune and adversity. It is about finding joy in life again. How does one move forward through the pain of the past?

1. Acknowledge the pain or disappointment.

2. Forgive yourself and /or others.

3. Get moving - emotion can be released through physical activity like walking.

4. Nurture yourself. Do something for yourself that makes you feel nurtured.

5. Focus on what you have and what is important to you. What is good in your life? Who or what gives meaning to your life? What can you contribute?

6. Take the time it takes. It will take time to process and come to terms with what happened. Take the time to grieve.

7. Seek help and support from friends, family, your faith leader and/or professional counselors.

You Have a Choice

I think it is so important that you remember that you have a choice. You may not have any control over what happens to you but you can choose how you respond to it. Viktor Frankl , noted psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor, wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning: \”…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.\” (1963, p. 104)

Coaching Questions

Is there an event or issue in your life that is holding you in the past?

What would be possible for you if you let this issue go?

What gives you hope? (the love of a partner, your child, your faith, your dream?)

Actions

1. Write down everything about the situation that you need to let go of. Write down all of your emotions and beliefs about the situation. Release the words and the emotion in a physical way by burning the letter in your fireplace or burying it in the backyard.

2. Write down everything that you are grateful for in your life right now. Do not stop until you have a list of 100 things.

3. Focus on what you would like to see happen in your life and take one small action each day to help you move to that place.

4. Practice the seven steps of resiliency.



Peace and Joy,

Jan Hornford

About The Author:
Jan Hornford is a Master Certified Retreat Coach who creates inspiring retreats for personal discovery. Her retreats speak to your imaginative, intuitive, and spiritual nature and help you connect with your personal power and wisdom. Visit her site for free resources, self-led retreats and ebooks that will help you live a heart centered life. http://www.futureperfect.ca , 403-852-4304, jan@futureperfect.ca.

‘We should all be using this; it’s a great gift for Mother’s Day’ - Eliszabeth Hasselbeck

In Thursday’s broadcast of ‘The View,’ ABC daytime’s morning chat fest, everyone in the 200-person audience received a special give-away of StressEraser personal biofeedback devices.

‘The View’ co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck told the audience on the air, ‘We know that it’s been a stressful conversation about politics. So we have the StressEraser that helps synchronize your breath with your heart rate.’

The giveaway was quite a prize to the audience, as the award-winning biofeedback device, a $299 value, relaxes the body and calms the mind in only 15 minutes a day, an amount of time even the busiest people can give up everyday.

Hasselbeck concluded the segment saying, ‘We should all be using this to reduce stress… It’s a great gift for Mother’s Day. And everyone in this audience is going to be a lot less stressful because you’re getting it!’

The StressEraser works for stress relief and stress reduction by helping the user to relax naturally, by synchronizing breathing with heart rate. It can be used to quiet the mind before sleeping, rapidly relieve intense stress, and even to stay calm during highly stressful situations.

A person’s heart rate reflects the activity of their stimulating and pacifying nerves with every heartbeat. The StressEraser displays tiny changes in nerves as a wave. By watching wave characteristics in real time, users can learn to adjust their breathing and mental focus for noticeable stress relief and stress reduction.

The StressEraser biofeedback device’s list of honors includes:

Best Self-Monitoring Health Initiative or Device, National Wellness Prevention and Fitness Conference (2007)

Seal of Approval, American Institute of Stress (2007)

Technology Innovation of the Year, Frost and Sullivan (2006)

The Best of Gadget Lab (9 out of 10 rating), WIRED Magazine (2006)

About The Author:
The StressEraser is classified by the FDA as a Class II 510(k) exempt medical device. The indicated use is for relaxation, relaxation training and stress reduction. The StressEraser is currently available to U.S. residents only for $299 from the StressEraser web site.

Spring must have sprung at last as I have found myself engaged in all kinds of spring cleaning over the last few weeks. Actually, it goes beyond spring cleaning. Spring cleaning usually involves some kind of task that needs to be taken care of once a year like raking the lawn or cleaning out closets. My spring cleaning has been more centered on eliminating tolerations.

Tolerations

What are tolerations? Tolerations is a coaching term that refers to anything that you are putting up with and drains your energy or irritates you. Human beings have an amazing capacity for toleration. Tolerations can become so much a part of our life that we come to accept them as normal. Some of the tolerations that I have been dealing with lately are: finally getting the print that has sat in my closet for the last year and a half framed, hemming a pair of pants that have hung in the closet for 4 months, fixing a broken lock, and cleaning out a closet.

I think we all know how it feels when we finally take care of something that has been hanging around the edges of our unconsciousness; it feels great! What a sense of accomplishment, completion, satisfaction, and I admit, unbridled joy, completing a long overdue task can create! I can breathe a deep sigh of relief and exult in how fabulous the closet looks or how nice the framed print looks on the wall. What a sense of freedom and release!

Wow, so if taking care of a few physical tasks that I have procrastinated on can make me feel so good, what would happen if I took care of some more significant tolerations? Tolerations do not just refer to a to-do list or clutter. Tolerations can also be situations, attitudes, and behaviours in myself and others that I am putting up with.

Personal Boundaries and Tolerations

Some examples of these kinds of tolerations are: people who do not treat you well, negative attitudes (from yourself or others), unrealistic expectations (from yourself or others), and people who cross your personal boundaries.

Personal boundaries are the behaviours that you hold others to in your presence. Thomas Leonard had this to say about boundaries: “Boundaries are imaginary lines we establish around ourselves to protect our souls, hearts, and minds from the unhealthy or damaging behaviour of others. It is recommended to extend your boundaries at least two or three times beyond where they are”.

Setting boundaries will dramatically reduce what you are tolerating from other people. We tend to compensate around our boundaries rather than enforce them. It can be so much easier to withdraw or grit your teeth rather than to speak what is true for you. Boundaries are a tool for honouring our physical, emotional, and spiritual integrity. When we allow others to consistently cross our personal boundaries we are tolerating their behaviour.

Obstacles to Success

Tolerations can act as obstacles to our success by draining our energy and attention, leading us to feel stuck, and keeping us from having the space and energy to focus on what is really important to us. When you take steps to remove tolerations you create a reserve of time, space, and energy for what you really want to have in your life.

That is the beauty and power of eliminating tolerations. It is a simple way to get you into action, generate momentum and create energy in your life. It can feel as though a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders. It can give you confidence and a sense of accomplishment. Taking care of even simple tolerations can make you feel better immediately, reduce stress, and increase your security.

Coaching Questions

What are you tolerating in your life right now?

Where are your personal boundaries being crossed?

How are these tolerations impacting you? (Do they make you feel tired, defeated, frustrated, angry, or sad?)

What would change for you if you eliminated these tolerations?

Action

Identify your tolerations

The first step in eliminating tolerations is to identify them. Write down every toleration you can think of on a piece of paper. You may want to keep a sheet of paper on your desk or on the fridge where you can right down tolerations as they occur to you over the next week.

Eliminate your tolerations

1. Do it.

Complete that project, clear that clutter, make that phone call - just do it! Or you may need to set a personal boundary and communicate it. Let people know how they are crossing your boundary and request that they change their behaviour. You may have to tell a friend who calls you three times a day that while you love to hear from her you are only able to speak to her once a day.

2. Dump it/Delegate it.

Ask yourself - How does this serve me? Is this still important to me or has something changed? Does this support my goal? Who else can do this for me? (Remember there is someone out there who loves to do what you hate to do). Can I just let this go? That phone call is a ‘should’ and I have decided that I am not going to make it.

3. Accept it.

Perhaps there is nothing you can do about this particular toleration at this time. If so, you can accept that it is what it is and refuse to give it any more energy. You may also want to consider a new perspective on the toleration. Look for a potential benefit from the toleration. Is there some good that comes from it, is it a means to an end?

4. Talk about it.

If you are stuck for a solution, discuss the toleration with others. Often you will receive new perspectives or new ideas on how to eliminate tolerations from others.

Important Information

Some tolerations can be dealt with immediately and some cannot. Look for commonalities between tolerations. There is often one pivotal resolution that will serve to eliminate a number of tolerations. It is often best to start with a small, easy to handle toleration first so that you can build momentum. Larger tolerations can be broken down into bite size, more manageable pieces.

Start with one small thing that you know you can do and keep moving on from there. Before you know it, you will have eliminated your tolerations and freed up time, space, and energy. Now you only have to decide what you want to do with this new found freedom!

About The Author:
Jan Hornford is a Master Certified Retreat Coach who creates inspiring retreats for personal discovery. Her retreats speak to your imaginative, intuitive, and spiritual nature and help you connect with your personal power and wisdom. Visit her site for free resources, self-led retreats and ebooks that will help you live a heart centered life. http://www.futureperfect.ca , 403-852-4304, jan@futureperfect.ca

The world we live on is nothing but a mound of chaotic pressure that is building to the point it bursts like a volcano. We are bombarded with pressure from our employers, our customers and families to the point where some people actually do break. Most of us today in professional lives spend between 8 and 16 hours a day at the office, which equates to almost two-thirds of our lives being in a place we really do not want to be in, but there are things you can do to decrease the stress in your office.

Remember this, what we call stress, is really what we put on ourselves. Whilst other people can influence the way we feel, ultimately we are the ones who choose whether we are going to be stressed or not. You are in control of how you are going to feel, no one else. Stress as such is going on in our heads, so the real secret to de-stressing is to find things that would make you happy and content within.


#1. Have a Photo Of The Happiest Time In Your Life

Think back through your life, what is the happiest moment in your life. It could be the birth of your child, getting married, going out on a fantastic date, visiting some outstanding place or maybe it is when you bought your puppy dog but no matter what it is, you will almost certainly have a photo of that time. Take that photo and put it on your desk to remind you of those happy times as this will be one of the tools you need to beat stress in your office.

The happiest time in my life, and where I felt like the luckiest man in the world, was the day my wife stepped out of the limousine at the church for our wedding. I had never seen my wife look so beautiful and I made sure when I felt those feelings that I would remember them forever. So on my desk at work, I have a picture of my wife getting out of the limousine and each time I feel stressed I simply take a few moments to look at that picture and remember that moment in time. You brain is an amazing part of your body, no matter how many times I look at that photo, my brain releases the same feelings I had on the day and helps me snap out of feeling stressed.

Use the happy times, to control the times when you feel the most vulnerable and stressed.


#2. Think Of Your Boss Yelling At You Naked

Everyone has nightmare stories of their bosses being a grouch and I certainly have had my fair share, but most people who talk of being excessively stressed often relate that stress to a boss who is abusive and yells a lot. Well first off, if you are working in an environment where you boss is abusive, get out NOW! Nobody has to put up with that and remember life is way to short regardless of the money. Is money worth that much that the stress is worth dying tomorrow from a heart attack? NO!

However, if you have a boss who yells at you a lot, just for the sake of yelling and really is quite rude, simply imagine them yelling at you naked. If someone flew into your office absolutely starkas, that is with absolutely no clothes on, would you take them seriously. Course not! So, why take a boss that comes in and yells at you seriously. If your boss is an effective communicator he or she would not need to yell at you.

The next time your boss comes in, force yourself to think of them absolutely naked. When you do that, see just how you actually react and whether you deal with the situation better than when they are yelling at you absolutely naked. After a bit of practice you will find you are able to handle the situation much better and cope with a grouchy boss.


#3. Get Up and Do Some Office Exercises

Look no one on the planet can deny that doing exercise, gets the blood going and burns off the stress however sneaking away during the day can be really difficult but there are other Office Exercises that can bring you a lot of benefit to you. There are many office exercises that you can do like rolling your shoulders, clenching your hands and releasing them and even neck exercises that will help release the stress.

Often, much of our built up stress is simply due to sitting at the computer all day looking at the screen. Make sure that every hour you get up and stretch for at least five minutes. You will find that if you do not do that over a period of time this will lead to aches and pains, which can help increase your stress.

To get the best Office Exercises for you to do simply talk to your General Practitioner or visit a Physiotherapist and they will be able to help you develop an Office Exercise plan and you will be surprised how much easier life is to cope with.


#4. Schedule Enough Time to Go From One Meeting To Another

I worked for a bank about five years ago and I have never met an organisation that has so many meetings. My whole days constituted going from one meeting to another and I learnt one very important lesson. If I did not run my schedule my meetings would. Make sure that when you schedule an appointment or a meeting that you include travel time to and from a meeting.

Whilst working for this firm, if you did not schedule travel time, they would simply book meetings next to each other even if the meeting was across the other side of the city. They would simply expect you to immediately appear at that other meeting.

Message to All Humans - we do not have an instant teleporter, the Stargate is a fantasy, so make sure you give yourself enough time to get from one meeting to another or you are going to stress out.


#5. Plan Your Day

We talked about scheduling time to get from one meeting to another in the previous point but there is an extension to this. Make sure YOU plan your day, not your business associates. All too often I hear management say, \”I did not get lunch today\” or \” I have been on the run and have not had a chance to stop\”. Come on, get a grip, you are in control and it is up to you.

The first thing you should do in every job you work in, is to make sure you schedule two decent breaks a day which include at least half an hour for lunch and a 20 minute break somewhere else in the day. If you are like most people you will be using something like Microsoft Outlook or Lotus Notes to manage your day. Both allow you to schedule unavailable time in your calendar, so do IT!

By scheduling YOU time, you can ensure you have enough time to have a break, do a little meditation and relax and prepare for the rest of the day. If you are like me and work 16 hours a day, then you should also be putting into your plan a decent Dinner break of at least an hour and half an hour at the gym, even if it is just using the treadmill. If you do not do this, it will catch you up to you and you will be a statistic at 40. Do not laugh, my leading hand lost his life because he did not do the right thing. It can happen to you.


#6. Limit the Amount of Time Spent Dealing With Emails

Technology is a wonderful thing, but when technology rules your life, then you have a big problem and very quickly technology like email can overwhelm you causing you to become stressed. One of the rules my team and I have in the office is that nobody must respond to emails for more than 60 minutes per day. The reason we have put this rule into place, is that many of my team and our corporate clients spend their whole day emailing each other rather than dealing with the issues at hand.

How often have you received an email on one topic and then have the content of the email go off in another direction right before your eyes? I was working in one corporate organisation as an external consultant and very often all I would do is simply respond to emails all day long and get nothing done. Most of the emails could have been dealt with a 2 second phone call. In one of the offices I was working in, it was an open plan office layout and I had a bloke working directly across from me, who refused to speak to me or anyone else on the floor and all he did was when he had an issue, he would send an email.

This is a crazy way to do business and it does not work and only causes technology stress. My solution, each time he emailed me, I simply spoke the answer back to him. He got the point after a while and my email load went down when he spoke to me rather than emailed me. Technology is supposed to make life easier, not take over your life, so if you have a question and the person is sitting in the next office, get up and knock on their door and ask the question.

By doing this you are undertaking item number 6 which is limiting your emails and item number 3 which is get up and do some office exercises. That little bit of walking will help get the blood flowing through you veins.


#7. Be Prepared To Say \”NO!\”

We all want to get ahead in the world today and I am sure in everyone there is a little part of us that wants to live the life of Bill Gates and Donald Trump and be as rich as them. However, most of us make the mistake of simply saying yes to everything that is thrown at us. Now whilst that is great to say yes, people like Bill Gates and Donald Trump have teams of people to help them, and in all honesty you maybe on their teams, but all of us are only human and sometimes we simply have to say \”NO!\”

Where is the point in saying to our bosses, \”Yes we will have this 500 page report written for you tomorrow\”. When in reality there is absolutely no chance of that occurring. Sometimes in this world you simply have to say no and that does not go just for the boss, it also goes for the customers as well. My team and I have a seven day schedule across the various businesses I run and whilst we do not all work seven days a week, sometimes we do work six days a week to get through our responsibilities. One weekend I had one of our customers, mind you it was 6:30 am on a Sunday morning demand one of my team from our car cleaning business, drop everything and clean their car at 7:00am because an important family member was coming.

There were many responses I could have given, but my simple answer was NO! The customer ranted and raved for about 10 minutes by which time I was imagining them naked yelling at me, which really was a funny site and then when they were finished and I simply asked them would they be prepared to work all week including Saturday and Sunday for the next 2 weeks and their reply was \”NO, My Weekends Are My Own and I am not working them for anyone.\” Then I simply responding by saying to them, then there is your answer and I hung up. You know the funny thing, they rang me on Monday morning and apologised and we did the top car cleaning service on their car the following week. I charged them more as well.

Most customers will accept the answer of No when they understand why you are saying No. Some will not, but then do you really need them as customers anyway.


#8. Take your shoes off and walk on the carpet

This is my favorite de-stressing activity and it shocks the living daylights out of everyone. I first met a lady about 10 years ago who was in her early fortys and nothing seemed to shake her stature. She was always calm and never got flustered and I asked her what her secret was and she said, \”I always take my shoes off as often as possible so I can stay in touch with the earth\”. This was a really prominent statement for me, because I never really thought of my shoes as a tool to disconnect us from our surroundings but if you think about it, it makes sense.

If you go down to the beach, what is the first thing you do. You take off your shoes to feel the sand through you feet and how does it make you feel, relaxed. If you go to the park with the children, what do you do? Take your shoes off so you can run around and have fun or to play in the mud. Whether we realise it or not, when we disconnect ourselves from mother earth we really do start to stress.

I now always take my shoes off when I am working in my office, including my socks just so I can feel something more inspirational under my feet rather than just the hard soles of my shoes. I know another corporate CEO in Brisbane Australia, who used to walk down to Anzac Square every lunch hour to walk on the grass so that he could stay in touch with the world. Hey, if it works in the movie Pretty Woman, surely it must work.


#9. Play Music

Listening to the right type of music is really important when you are trying to reduce stress and find your inner peace. Some music when listened to, whilst stressed, can in fact heighten your stress levels. One type of music, which research has shown to help reduce stress is Baroque music. This music is written so that there is only 60 beats per minute and funny enough that is what our heart rate should be. The baroque music has been found to increase the alpha waves in your left and right sides of your brain which help improve your learning ability, creativity and calmness.

Whilst you are working in the office on a demanding piece of work, simply put in a CDROM of music and listen to it as you are completing the work, but honestly do watch the type of music you are listening to or it can back fire. Most corporate organisations are now realising the benefit of staff listening to music during the day and with 90% of corporate computers having CDROMs, it is possible to listen to music on your computer whilst doing your work, you may just need headphones. I work in hundreds of corporate organisations a year and only one had a no music policy and that was because they were a call centre, which I can understand. There is no reason why you can not listen to music during your break though to ensure you a feeling calm before hitting those phones again.


#10. Meditate

Okay, I can hear it now, \”Oh Yeah Hippy, Want Us to Meditate do ya.\” Absolutely! Look whilst meditation has certainly been a thing of fringe groups in western society or associated with more eastern religions many researchers are now coming to the distinct conclusion that meditation can make a huge difference to our day-to-day lives and helps us to overcome stress.

The core advantage meditation will play in your office is to help you to relax and deal with challenging situations more effectively. The more relaxed you are the more creative you can be in dealing with any issues that arise. I certainly recommend that when you are meditating, that you use baroque music with your meditation as it will help increase the alpha waves which will help lead you to a calm feeling. This is especially useful if you do not have a long period to meditate. I recommend a 20 minute meditation session at least once a day preferably two. You will be really surprised the difference it makes to your day. Just try it out, you have nothing to loose and the rest of your life to gain

The office environment in these millennia is far more stressful than they were a century ago, but there are things you can do about it but it is up to you. Remember, we only have one life and it is not a dress rehearsal so get out and reduce the stress your office gives you and have some fun. To finish off let me reiterate the ten things you can do to reduce your stress at the office.

#1. Have a Photo Of The Happiest Time In Your Life
#2. Think Of Your Boss Yelling At You Naked
#3. Get Up and Do Some Office Exercises
#4. Schedule Enough Time to Go From One Meeting To Another
#5. Plan Your Day
#6. Limit the Amount of Time Spent Dealing With Emails
#7. Be Prepared To Say \”NO!\”
#8. Take your shoes off and walk on the carpet
#9. Play Music
#10. Meditate

About The Author:
Chris Le Roy has Baroque Meditation Music available, and a simple six step meditation program - \”Six Most Powerful Meditation Steps\”. For other information on Meditation Visit - http://www.1-on-1.biz/meditationmusic/default.asp

Bang! Bang! Bang! The hammer comes down again and again, nailing those wooden planks in place. Finally, it’s done: you’re trapped. No windows, and the only door nailed shut.

Those business gurus told you to pick a niche, and so you did. And now you’re stuck there, for the rest of your days. G’bye creativity. G’bye freedom. G’bye.

Does a niche really give your creativity a death sentence?

Well, sure, a -niche- can kill your creativity. But, you might’ve mis-heard. ‘Cause it’s not a niche you’re wanting, it’s a problem.

A niche is a \”specialized but profitable corner of the market.\” For instance, providing valves for industrial manufacturing is a niche. A niche is also an ecological term: \”A position or role taken by a kind of organism within its community.\”

The thing about a business niche is that the ecology of the market can change, and your niche can go away. Not to mention feeling stuck just pumping out those valves (so to speak.)

The difference between a niche and a problem.

A niche is aimed at something that exists, a physical manifestation of the market. A problem is something that continues to exist, even when the market changes.

For instance, if you are in the bookkeeping business, you can feel stuck and bored. And, beyond that, if some fancy-dancy computer program comes out that makes it easy to keep one’s books, you suddenly lose business.

However, if you are in the business of solving a problem: \”Helping small businesses have a healthy relationship with their cashflow\” suddenly, all kinds of creativity comes in. You’ve gone beyond data entry, to working in a creative capacity, and you can start teaching, consulting and doing all kinds of things. You could even, if you were of the mind, bring in the healing arts, to help support business owners around their emotional issues with money. Plus the bookkeeping.

Now you are no longer in a niche, you are no longer hemmed by a lack of creativity. Suddenly your horizons are much further off.

Pretty cool, eh?

The problem is only a doorway.

Notice how slyly our bookkeeper friend went from data entry, to healing arts? If you do the same thing, you don’t need to limit yourself to any particular issue. Except at the doorway.

The doorway your clients walk through will be the problem you identify. Once they are in the door, who knows what you’ll be working on? If our bookkeeper friend likes to support people with family issues, I’m going to guarantee (after having taught 20 iterations of our Heart of Money course) that those family issues will be available to be worked on.

Are you getting the difference? Please don’t feel you need to be stuck in just doing one thing for the rest of your natural born days. Your clients, your business, and your heart need your creativity in order to thrive.

You don’t have to have a niche, however you must have a problem to focus on, so that people know how and if they should enter your business.

Who let the dogs out?

Now you’re free. You can let your creativity, impulses, and guidance take you anywhere you’re led. You can learn Reiki, how to play the fiddle, plus managerial AND financial accounting. You can learn whatever you need to learn in order to be of service to your clients.

If your clients need it, you can bring it in, without worrying about breaking your niche. Just don’t abandon that doorway. Because without a clear problem, your business becomes invisible. And then you might as well nail up some boards.

So… how can you tell you’ve got a good problem? Let’s take a look at some pointers, eh?

Keys to Freedom from Niche Tyranny.

A good problem is an area you’re interested in. I happen to like small business, and small business owners. I stay engaged, interested, curious and learning. It keeps my creativity alive simply because I enjoy it.

Do you enjoy/curious about/impassioned by…?

chronic illness?

physical ability?

parenting?

love relationships? Where do you have enough interest, that you naturally bring your curiosity and desire to learn?

Can you name four to six ways to approach the problem?

If there are many different ways to get at the problem, then you know you aren’t marrying a single modality, and aren’t getting stuck in a niche.

For instance, with parenting, I can think of five modalities off the top of my head that can help:

psychological counseling

nonviolent communication training

spiritual healing (Sufi, Reiki, or otherwise)

Systemic constellation from Bert Hellinger

The Work of Byron Katie

When you can begin to see many different ways of approaching the issue, then you’re free to extend that list as far as you like, engaging your creativity as much as you care to.

Don’t be tempted to widen the doorway (too much.)

Heart of Business would get mighty sloppy-looking indeed, if we started marketing ourselves to deal with relationship problems, physical healing, family issues, etc, etc. We don’t stray away from our doorway. When you walk in our doorway, you can be clear what you will find: business help, from the heart.

The creativity and expansion is inside the business, where you stretch out the breadth of what you offer and can work with, without widening the doorway.

The only reason a business exists is to help people solve some problem. Don’t think you have to stay inside the narrow confines of a niche. Let your creativity and heart help you choose a problem to solve, and then let your creativity go hog-wild.

The best to you and your business, Mark Silver

About The Author:
Mark Silver is the author of Unveiling the Heart of Your Business: How Money, Marketing and Sales can Deepen Your Heart, Heal the World, and Still Add to Your Bottom Line. He has helped hundreds of small business owners around the globe succeed in business without losing their hearts. Get three free chapters of the book online: http://www.heartofbusiness.com

Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances. — Unknown


The way we make ourselves happy is unique to each of us. But the ways we make ourselves unhappy are remarkably common to all of us.

So, perhaps, by not doing the things that makes us unhappy, we can create more space for deep and lasting happiness we long for.


EMBRACING LIFE’S GIVEN

In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change … and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, David Richo reminds us of these five immutable facts of life:

1. Everything changes and ends.

2. Things do not always go according to plan.

3. Life is not always fair.

4. Pain is part of life.

5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

These are life’s givens. They are bedrock facts of our existence. If you fight these truths, you will lose. You will become frustrated, angry, and unhappy.

But, if you accept them as reality, and work with them, you can think, feel, and act much more effectively. You will be happy in spite of what happens to you.

Let’s say a love affair you are committed to suddenly ends.

A certain amount of grief and unhappiness is natural, perhaps necessary as learning from the experience. But, fighting the life’s givens can make us more than miserable.

Fighting reality as it is can make us desperately unhappy, overly anxious, and hopelessly depressed. Here’s how it happens.

We start by arguing the relationship \”should not have ended.\” But it did end. That’s our reality.

Arguing with ourselves, with the other, or with the Universe that the relationship should not have ended puts us in a position of arguing against reality.

What does that bring us? Frustration. Grief. More unhappiness.

Worse, when we argue with reality, we lose touch with it. It becomes hard to orient ourselves, make decisions, and take useful actions.

Action devolves into seeking relief from suffering that we created by fighting the givens. Such relief-driven actions can be dangerous, addictive, and soul-destroying. They are not the way to happiness.


EVERYTHING CHANGES AND ENDS

Accepting Richo’s first given–everything changes and ends–allows us to accept reality with greater equanimity.

We accept the end of the love affair with grace, which gives us increased personal power with which to move on.

We will still feel disappointed and saddened by this ending, but we will not feel desperately unhappy. We will feel pain but we won’t suffer as we would if we did not accept the ending.


THINGS DON’T ALWAYS GO AS WE PLAN

Accepting the second given–things don’t always go according to our plans–means we do not have to complain, \”this is not the way it should be.\”

Who says things should always go our way?

No one but us. And saying so pits us against reality.


LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR

Life isn’t always fair. That’s true; that’s the third given.

Again, it does not help to whine and complain that the end of a love is unfair. It’s best to accept the ending, learn from it, and move on. Try, try again.

And yes, pain arises out of endings, failed plans, and life’s unfairness. That’s the fourth given.


PAIN IS PART OF LIFE

Pain is part of every life. But pain does not have to be desperate, overwhelming, heartrending, and never-ending. We do not have to suffer unnecessarily.

Researchers say we suffer more from an ankle broken by a rude skateboarder knocking us off a sidewalk than would if we broke that ankle sliding home to score the winning run for our slo-pitch team.

In the first case, we suffer because we judge the break and the pain to be unfair. Instead of accepting reality, we fight it. We judge: \”This is unfair; it should not have happened.\” Thus, we layer emotional pain on top of physical, intensifying both.

In the slo-pitch case, the pain is less because we feel good about how it happened. We accept the pain as the cost of being a momentary hero.

Accepting pain lessens its intensity. Judging pain increases its intensity, and turns it into suffering.

Instead of judging an abruptly ended relationship, we can say something such as, \”This ending is painful, but I don’t have to make it more so by fighting it. I accept it as given. I’ll get through it. This, too, shall pass.\”

This stance enables us to avoid suffering; the pain passes more quickly, and easily.


PEOPLE ARE NOT LOVING AND LOYAL ALL THE TIME

Finally, as we get on better terms with reality, we realize, sadly but not desperately so, that \”people are not loving and loyal all the time.\”

Love fades, loyalties shift. This, too, is part of life; it is the fifth given.

Accepting this given can make an ending less personal, less about you and your flaws, weaknesses, and failings. Seen from the perspective of the fifth given, it makes sense that other people change.

Sometimes, those changes cause our paths to diverge. Connections become strained, and then break.

Again, some sadness and disappointment is natural, even necessary. But much of it is self-created and unnecessary, caused by fighting what live gives us.


EMBRACING LIFE’S GIVENS; CREATING DEEP HAPPINESS

Like a sailor on the sea of life, when storms of change blow you off course, acknowledge but don’t fight them. Go with them.

\”We cannot direct the wind,\” advises an old saying, \”but we can adjust our sails.\”

Faced with one of life’s givens, focus on what you want, accept reality as it is, and adjust your course. That way you can go with the flow and move toward what you truly want to create.

It won’t always be easy or effective. Difficulties and adversity will almost always get in your way. So be it. Accept them. Learn from them

Give yourself time for appropriate sadness and disappointment. But don’t focus on your loss, or the pain that accompanies it. Accept loss as one of life’s givens and rise above it by focusing on what is next

By accepting and embracing life’s givens, you will be better able to transcend negative feelings, and move in the direction of your heart’s desires.

If you can do that, then, whatever life gives you, you will feel a deep sense of inner peace and freedom.

Happiness will be in your heart, not in circumstances you encounter.


————-
> Adapted from the eBook Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters Most–With Whatever Life Gives You!

About The Author:
Bruce Elkin is a writer, coach, and consultant who helps individuals and organizations create what matters most-in spite of problems, circumstances, and adversity. His ebook Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters Most-With Whatever Life Gives You is available on his website at: http://www.BruceElkin.com.

Many years ago I really needed to change my luck for the better. My work in rockets and satellites was incredibly enjoyable but the politics at the company I worked for were unbearable.

I was stuck at the lowest level of supervision. I was in a bad marriage with three children, two cars, one dog and one wife. I was mired in a miserable job while many people I knew were starting their own companies and making tons of money.

Many people today are “stuck”. They make just enough money to pay their bills, except for the ones that they postpone because they are a little short.

Their credit card balance is way too high. They are unhappy in their relationships and in their work. Worst of all, they have no hope that their situation could be better. They feel totally stuck, just like I did many years ago.

Let me tell you what I did about my situation. Having a strong interest in Metaphysics, I did research on luck and how to change it, on fortune and how to attract it. I wanted to know how to have a good life.

When I found a likely approach I tried it. I spent years in psychotherapy and many thousands of dollars. I went to seminars, read books, listened to tapes, and went off to a whole bunch of new age equivalents to summer camp, with one guru or another.

I even went back to school and got a degree in psychology, followed by a state issued license to practice. I opened a small practice in Beverly Hills.

Some of this worked. Most of it had its main value in teaching me what not to do. Somewhere along the line I found a number of books on Talismans, Amulets and Lucky Charms. Weird as it seems, I found this research very useful.

I found that people have been using Magic Charms since pre-recorded history, and that they really work. I also found that very few people actually know how to use their amulets effectively. Amulets and Talismans actually protect us by making us aware of the Higher Powers. They make our connection with them concrete and vital. So a magic charm is actually an extender of your own power, an amplifier of your ability to communicate with the powers of the universe.

When I discovered this very special secret I created a special lucky charm, based totally on this powerful information. You might want to learn more about this Talisman.

About The Author:
Roland Gold is a semi-retired psychotherapist and researcher with a small practice in Santa Monica, CA. He is currently doing an investigation to find better ways for people to change their luck and improve their well being. Learn more at http://www.goldmagick.com.

He is writing a book on the use of Talismans and Good Luck Charms through the ages. If you have any questions, please send an email to: roland@goldmagick.com.